Is an Uncontested Divorce Right for You?

If you and your spouse have already agreed on:

• How to split up your home and other real estate
• How to divide your retirement assets and business interests
• How to divide your debts
• How you will make decisions for your children, and how you will resolve disagreements in making these decisions
• With whom will the children maintain primary residence
• The parenting schedule during the school year, summers, school breaks and holidays
• The amount and duration of child support and spousal support
• Who will claim the Children on his/her tax return
• What type of additional expenses you will share for the Children and how responsibility for these expenses will be divided
• Who will maintain health insurance for the children, will there be health insurance for each of you?
• you may be able to obtain an Uncontested Divorce.

The Process

To begin an Uncontested Divorce, one spouse is designated the Plaintiff and the other the Defendant.  Usually the Plaintiff completes and files most of the paperwork. Click here to read more.

On Undiagnosed Mental Illness and Mediation

“The best way out is always through.”

– Robert Frost

What is mental illness? What is mental instability? Scientists and mental health professionals have grappled with questions concerning the human mind for centuries. From artfully crafted screening questions to wires transferring electrodes to images, we live in a society that tries to unravel why some people act in unfathomable ways. Sometimes we feel we are closer to an answer. But the inevitable anomaly continually sets us back.

In the setting of divorce, we are concerned with identifying an environment that offers an optimal space for a child to flourish. In a litigated process, our system attempts to investigate these environments through forensic evaluations, court ordered investigations into home environments of the parents, supervised visits and other compartmentalized vehicles. One person visits the home of a parent who assumes a requisite, cavalier smile for an afternoon. Another person explores the home of a parent who is absent, balancing two jobs and in no position to tidy. A third person interviews a young child who enthusiastically chatters about the parent who provides more sweets and fewer boundaries. Each of these individuals files a report with the court. Attorneys, equipped only with brief anecdotes told in confidence by their clients and often skewed summaries of opposing party’s positions, advocate for their clients to the best of their abilities. A judge evaluates to the best of his or her ability based on what is presented in court. No one thinks about the gaps that will never be filled.

There is little opportunity in a courtroom to observe the engagement between divorcing spouses without the filter of their attorneys, coaching them on what words to use and how to temporarily temper their habits by polishing the virtual or real image they present to the world at large. There is little opportunity to emote, to communicate freely, to problem-solve constructively and collectively. And there is certainly little opportunity to flag whether an individual is concerned with love of a child, or an unsavory obsession with simply winning a game.

It is true that mediation may not be a feasible process for every couple. It is true that a minimal amount of willingness on both sides is imperative to participating effectively. However, mediation is still one of the few forms of dispute resolution in which certain critical human elements can be brought to light. Click here to read more

All families are "Broken" and then "Blended"

"Marriage customs bring together two people from different lineages and place them under a common roof. By definition, marriage is a joining of unlike elements. Even when the bond is strong, a seam both connects and divides husband, wife and the web of in-laws they bring to the table. A couple’s biological offspring really are a blend, but the rest of the family is patched together."  - Ellen Lupton, "In Praise of the Broken Home", New York Times, August 2, 2010

     Imagine, that in addition to joining the "unlike elements" under a common roof and then blending the family through the birth of several children, this blended family now emigrates to the United States from a country like India, Uzbekistan or Japan and settles in the County of Queens, City and State of New York.

     To complicate matters, the older husband has a hard time mastering the language and his younger wife is able to go to school, get a job and succeed financially.  "Over there" he was an important man, who provided for his family, but "over here" life is different.  As his wife works and becomes more independent, he begins to feel worthless, while his children become Americanized and "disrespectful."  Sounds familiar?

     Unfortunately, such is the plight of many families with strong traditional ties who "uproot" themselves and move to a new country.  The rift between parents and children and husbands and wives widens and the extended family members seem unable to comprehend that sometimes adjustments must be made. "In the old country people did not divorce, the husband managed the money and the wife managed the household.  The children knew 'their place' ".

     One can only imagine the complexity of emotional and cultural issues that such a family must experience if the couple faces a divorce or a separation.   However, divorces happen more and more often and have become a regular fact of life in such courts as Queens County Supreme Court in New York City.  Queens County is the most multi-cultural county in New York State. It brings together and "blends" hundreds of nationalities into a flavorful stew of small neighborhoods, which usually peacefully interact with each other. However, when the family dispute overtakes them, many members of the extended family find fault with the national original of the other party: " I told him not to marry a girl from ____ city, they don't make good wives".. While everyone is looking for a unique reason why a divorce is inevitable, in reality it is often the unfortunate consequence of too much "breaking" and not enough "blending" in a family of recent immigrants.

      In any event, it is imperative to find a culturally sensitive solution for the separating couple and their family, - the type of a solution that would work as they struggle to preserve their national identity and, at the same time, adjust to their new American way of life in a positive way.