Choosing to Adopt? We Can Help!

In today’s world, more and more families, particularly in the United States, are choosing to adopt children. The Law Firm and Mediation Practice of Alla Roytberg, P.C. has recently expanded its practice to include adoptions.

For many, the adoption process may seem overwhelming:

• Should you adopt domestically or internationally?
• Do you want to formalize the relationship with an existing child in your family through a step-parent adoption?
• Are you a same-sex couple trying to decide what types of legal paperwork need to be prepared to secure your rights as parents?

The process is cumbersome, but not impossible, and we can guide you through it.

Under New York law, all adoptive parents have to be certified by the court if they want to adopt a child in the United States. Click here to read more.

Determining Where to File for Divorce in the 21st Century World of Mobile Families

                   
                   “Not all those who wander are lost.” – J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

In the world of mobile families, complex international marriages and overburdened courts, would a New York court accept a divorce case, filed by the husband, an Irish resident, British passport holder and citizen of the European Union against the wife, a U.S. citizen who prefers to reside in Ireland? Apparently, the answer is yes.

In a recent Putnam County Supreme court case, Mr. S. filed for divorce in New York and his wife opposed it, claiming that New York State had no jurisdiction to end the parties’ marriage. Under New York State law, when you commence an action for divorce, the first thing that needs to happen is that the court needs to verify that there is jurisdiction.

Click here to read more.

Mediating Secondary Education in NYC

By Lara Traum (mediator with the Law Firm and Mediation Practice of Alla Roytberg, P.C.)

“He who opens a school door, closes a prison.”
― Victor Hugo

In a city of unique academic options and restrictions, parental decision-making is perhaps the single most significant force that determines a child’s educational path. Unlike the idyllic American dream that depicts a wholesome Brady bunch in a balanced local high school, successfully stumbling through a system of well meaning and artful instructors, the school system in New York City is varied, inconsistent, competitive, and without guarantee.

Just as some kindergarteners spend their afternoons with tutors, preparing for admission into elite elementary school programs, many of New York’s seventh graders spend their summers indoors, drilling for the gamble of the specialized high school’s admissions test. As competition becomes more fierce and programs become more rigorous, more and more parents are finding it necessary to adjust their children’s educational plan. Click here to read more.

The Quagmire of Divorce, International Style

Different states in the United States view custody, jurisdiction and enforcement pieces of a divorce differently. Because of that, there is what is called the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (UCCJEA). UCCJEA was drafted in 1997 and was adopted by all States except for Massachusetts and Puerto Rico. Basically, the UCCJEA gives exclusive and continuing jurisdiction for custody cases to the child’s home state.

The child’s home state is generally defined as the state where the child has lived with a parent for six consecutive months before the case was started in court. To read more, please click here. 

All families are "Broken" and then "Blended"

"Marriage customs bring together two people from different lineages and place them under a common roof. By definition, marriage is a joining of unlike elements. Even when the bond is strong, a seam both connects and divides husband, wife and the web of in-laws they bring to the table. A couple’s biological offspring really are a blend, but the rest of the family is patched together."  - Ellen Lupton, "In Praise of the Broken Home", New York Times, August 2, 2010

     Imagine, that in addition to joining the "unlike elements" under a common roof and then blending the family through the birth of several children, this blended family now emigrates to the United States from a country like India, Uzbekistan or Japan and settles in the County of Queens, City and State of New York.

     To complicate matters, the older husband has a hard time mastering the language and his younger wife is able to go to school, get a job and succeed financially.  "Over there" he was an important man, who provided for his family, but "over here" life is different.  As his wife works and becomes more independent, he begins to feel worthless, while his children become Americanized and "disrespectful."  Sounds familiar?

     Unfortunately, such is the plight of many families with strong traditional ties who "uproot" themselves and move to a new country.  The rift between parents and children and husbands and wives widens and the extended family members seem unable to comprehend that sometimes adjustments must be made. "In the old country people did not divorce, the husband managed the money and the wife managed the household.  The children knew 'their place' ".

     One can only imagine the complexity of emotional and cultural issues that such a family must experience if the couple faces a divorce or a separation.   However, divorces happen more and more often and have become a regular fact of life in such courts as Queens County Supreme Court in New York City.  Queens County is the most multi-cultural county in New York State. It brings together and "blends" hundreds of nationalities into a flavorful stew of small neighborhoods, which usually peacefully interact with each other. However, when the family dispute overtakes them, many members of the extended family find fault with the national original of the other party: " I told him not to marry a girl from ____ city, they don't make good wives".. While everyone is looking for a unique reason why a divorce is inevitable, in reality it is often the unfortunate consequence of too much "breaking" and not enough "blending" in a family of recent immigrants.

      In any event, it is imperative to find a culturally sensitive solution for the separating couple and their family, - the type of a solution that would work as they struggle to preserve their national identity and, at the same time, adjust to their new American way of life in a positive way.

On Transformation of a Stressful Marriage into a Separation with Friendship

"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation." - Kahlil Gibran

In a July 30 New York Times Article, entitled "The Un-Divorced", Pamela Paul discusses a phenomenon of long term separation as the alternative of choice to a divorce for a growing number of American couples of all ages. Often, decision to remain legally married is financial - one spouse's eligibility for the other's social security benefits or health insurance may be extinguished by a divorce.

However, for some couples, a long term separation replaces the irritable hostility of daily life with a distant friendship between two people who still care deeply about each other, but simply are unable to co-exist under the same roof. People may remain happily separated for decades until a death or a new old-fashioned romance prompts them to "legally" turn the page and move on.

For those of you who find themselves personally relating to this, please note, that it is absolutely imperative for separated couples to have a legally enforceable separation agreement. Although, by signing such an agreement, you remain eligible for each other's health and other benefits, you can definitively protect yourselves and each other against disasters, that may intervene and are outside of your or your spouse's control. If one of you becomes ill and the insurance is insufficient to cover the bills, the other spouse and his/her assets can be tapped to cover the ailing spouses medical bills. In a Separation Agreement, you can specify that each of you is responsible for his/her own debts and liabilities. You can waive rights to each other's estates, to each other's assets, homes, cars and valuables.

The money spent on a mediator to negotiate and then on lawyers to review and finalize the Separation Agreement is minimal in comparison to the financial exposure each of you would avoid in the future.

Family quarrels are bitter things. They don't go by any rules.
They are not like aches or wounds; they are more like splits
in the skin that won't heal because there's not enough material.

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Welcome to 2009!

The Holiday Season is usually particularly challenging for families in crisis. How should we divide parenting time during children's vacations? Is it better for kids to spend Christmas Eve with Mom and Christmas Day with Dad, so that they can see both parents and extended families? Or, is it better for everyone's peace of mind to alternate December holiday time on a yearly basis, so that the children are staying in one location and are not constantly being shuttled around? What have we done in prior years with our extended families? How can we, as parents, lead separate lives, while minimizing the damaging impact of a fractured holiday time on our children?

During the children's winter holidays most family lawyers and mediators receive barrages of calls from extremely stressed parents, who finally heave the sigh of relief after the arrival of the New Year and the children's return to their school routine.

Believe it or not, but it is actually possible to have a workable and predictable parenting plan which will allow children to look forward to the holidays rather than worry how to navigate the troubled waters between households of their overstressed parents. If you haven't worked this out already, make it your number one priority in 2009.